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Large Arrow Right Current poetry writing competition Competition no 19: Write a two-verse poem with a marked difference in mood between the two
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Best Original Poem


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(#5311691) Re: david on contest #16
Posted by HeatherN on 30 Nov 2021 at 11:24AM
Thanks for your input The Spades Master

The poem already fits the criteria David.

I specified a maximum of lines per stanza, but not a minimum, so in effect you could break your poem up in several ways to qualify, but you do need to break up. As ALL your lines begin with Crove - you could have each line as a separate stanza (my example poem ended with a monostich)- (a one line stanza is called a monostich), but that would not be my choice.

My choice would be:
3333333333

Crove on my head while I drive

crove on my eyes raises
crove above my eyes starts to go up
Crove between the eyes narrows

Crove starts to get ever so high
Crove on my eyes goes up again as I go fast

3333333333

i.e. a monostich, a tercet and a couplet

Or you could go for three couplets:
3333333333

Crove on my head while I drive
crove on my eyes raises

crove above my eyes starts to go up
Crove between the eyes narrows

Crove starts to get ever so high
Crove on my eyes goes up again as I go fast

3333333333

I made a few small changes to make "crove" consistently a singular noun or collective noun, rather than sometimes one and sometimes the other. If you are not happy with this you can always tweak it again. Some words are the same for singular and plural like sheep, but the way I read your poem, I see crove as a singular or collective noun like "snow". You can't really have "a snow"; snow is just snow. And Crove is just crove. (to my mind anyway).

I have not yet worked out what meaning you have given the word "crove", but I am guessing it is quite a subtle meaning. Sometimes poems are best left for the individual to work out.

Let me know how you want to split it, and if you want to make any final changes.

An anaphora can have the same word starting every line, and I did not stipulate you should not do this.

If you used each line as a separate stanza it would look like this.


3333333333


Crove on my head while I drive

crove on my eyes raises

crove above my eyes starts to go up

Crove between the eyes narrows

Crove starts to get ever so high

Crove on my eyes goes up again as I go fast

3333333333


*I used the term "collective" noun in my analysis, but I mean that in the sense of a "mass noun", being an uncountable noun like "fog", "music", "snow". This can also apply to senses or sensations, like "boredom", "tiredness", "pain". I see "crove" as being more a sensation than a physical entity. But, David, this is not an invitation for you to define crove, and I would rather you did not - it is up to the poem to do that!

Collective or mass nouns are always treated as singular, which is why I have made the grammatical changes.

Change it back if you disagree, though. I have emboldened (in the couple version) all the changes I have made to make it easier if you are happier with your version.

Please let me know where you want to make your breaks:

The choices are:

Six single-line stanzas (six monostiches)

Three two-line stanzas (three couplets)

Two single line stanzas and one four-line stanza (two monostiches and a quatrain)

A one-line stanza, a two-line stanza and a three-line stanza (a monostich, a couplet and a tercet)

With the final two options you could make the breaks wherever you thought appropriate.

For the two single-line and a four line stanza options you could have:

1-1-4 1-4-1 or 4-1-1

For the one-line, two-line and three line options You could have:

3-2-1, 3-1-2, 2-3-1, 2-1-3, 1-2-3 or 1-3-2.
div>Replies to this message:
SubjectPosted ByDate & Time
5311735Re: david on contest #16 HeatherN30 Nov 2021 1:46PM
5311715Re: david on contest #16 MM David littlefair XI30 Nov 2021 12:33PM
5311708Re: david on contest #16 HeatherN30 Nov 2021 12:01PM
5311691Re: david on contest #16 HeatherN30 Nov 2021 11:24AM

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