Jokes Board - Good, clean, funny jokes - Hosted by PattyMac AND Jools
Please read the Discussion Board Rules before participating in the discussion boards.
(unknown photo)spacer40spacer40(unknown photo)spacer40spacer40(unknown photo)

Current theme: St. Patrick's DayClover DividerGoldie with ShamrockClover DividerSt Paddys Dance Irish or St Patrick Day Jokes St Paddys DanceClover DividerGoldie with ShamrockClover DividerSt. Patrick's Day


12 Post your favourite jokes, cartoons and funny stories on any subject, anytime Thumbs up
12 Themed contests for profile tokens will be held once or twice a month. Subject and dates will be posted here. Post your funniest joke for a chance to win one of these awesome specialty tokens:

(unknown photo)1(unknown photo)2(unknown photo)3(unknown photo)4 (unknown photo)5(unknown photo)6

spacer40Board Rules:

1. You are welcome to post other non-contest Jokes on this board anytime, but please note in your post if it is NOT for the contest
2. There will be a poll for subscribers to vote for their favorite contest jokes
3. PLEASE choose Post a new comment when you enter your joke as it makes it easier to put up a poll
4. If you won the last contest, you will not be eligible for the next one to give all an equal chance. You do however get to chose the next theme
5. Only one entry per player will be eligible. If a player posts more than one, the first or specified joke will be used
"Please remember to keep it clean folks" Bath
spacer40
Post a new comment                         Expand all messages                         Show all boards                         Subscribe Subscribe

(#5584999) Re: St Patricks Day Jokes
Posted by monkeytyper on 5 Mar 2024 at 8:40AM
Never iron a four-leaf clover...
You don't want to press your luck.
(#5584989) We have a tie for Valentine's Joke
Posted by PattyMac on 5 Mar 2024 at 7:47AM
eliphont551 - One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, "I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," Jim said.

That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it - only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams”.



jroyster

Last Valentine's Day I got an iPhone for my wife. I still think it was a pretty good trade.



They were both fun to read and share...thanks to all that entered...
(#5584817) Re: St Patricks Day Jokes
Posted by Jools on 4 Mar 2024 at 11:59AM
sorry Ginny, that one has already been posted
(#5584712) Re: St Patricks Day Jokes
Posted by GinnyB on 4 Mar 2024 at 12:56AM
How old are leprechauns? So old that they can remember when rainbows were black and white.
(#5584633) Re: St Patricks Day Jokes
Posted by ladyvic on 3 Mar 2024 at 3:58PM
What is a leprechaun’s favorite type of music? Sham-rock ‘n’ roll! 🎶
(#5584484) Re: St Patricks Day Jokes
Posted by TaUrUsRoSe on 3 Mar 2024 at 5:22AM
Why did the leprechaun recycle his pot of gold? He wanted to go green!
(#5584350) Re: St Patricks Day Jokes
Posted by **Lover of Darkness** on 2 Mar 2024 at 2:38PM
How old are leprechauns?

So old that they can remember when rainbows were black and white
(#5584285) Happy St Pat's Day! Joke
Posted by PattyMac on 2 Mar 2024 at 9:35AM
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy, “I’m gonna’ get the day off. I’m gonna’ pretend I’ve gone mad!”

So Paddy climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down, and shouts “I’m a light bulb, I’m a light bulb!” while Murphy watches in amazement.

The foreman shouts, “Paddy, go home. You’ve gone mad.”

As Paddy leaves the site, Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

“Where do you think you’re going?” asks the foreman.

“Well, I can’t work in the dark!” said Murphy.
(#5583971) St Patricks Day Jokes
Posted by PattyMac on 1 Mar 2024 at 8:56AM
Lets get the belly laughs going..post your favorite Irish or St Patrick Day joke...

No derogatory jokes will be accepted....thanks

Derogatory
showing a critical or disrespectful attitude
(#5583970) Vote for you favorite Valentine Joke
Posted by PattyMac on 1 Mar 2024 at 8:51AM
Below are the jokes and the player that submitted it, Please read and vote for the one you think is the best joke 0 Thanks

1. Last Valentine's Day I got an iPhone for my wife. I still think it was a pretty good trade. - jroyster



2.One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, "I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," Jim said.

That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it - only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams”.
eliphont551


3. I can't wait for the day after Valentines Day because chocolate goes on sale.......
**Lover of Darkness**


4. Cupid should have a hangman's noose instead of an arrow....
Sundrop kid


5. What did the love-obsessed candle say when it was lit? "I found the perfect match!"
TaUrUsRoSe
(#5576989) Re: Church episode
Posted by theoldmaster on 5 Feb 2024 at 8:32AM
Haha
(#5576841) Re: Valentines Jokes
Posted by jroyster on 4 Feb 2024 at 3:57PM
Last Valentine's Day I got an iPhone for my wife. I still think it was a pretty good trade.
(#5576838) Re: current theme - Valentines
Posted by jroyster on 4 Feb 2024 at 3:55PM
Laughing
(#5576836) Re: current theme - Valentines
Posted by jroyster on 4 Feb 2024 at 3:54PM
(#5576788) Valentines Jokes
Posted by Jools on 4 Feb 2024 at 9:59AM
Post your best Valentine's themed joke
{ Image: media.tenor.com/FJ7655Zv6QgAAAAM/charliebrown-snoopy.gif }
(#5576787) Re: current theme - Valentines
Posted by TaUrUsRoSe on 4 Feb 2024 at 9:40AM
What did the love-obsessed candle say when it was lit? "I found the perfect match!"
(#5576781) Church episode
Posted by karynsong on 4 Feb 2024 at 9:23AM
In the middle of the church sermon, Granny Jane whispered to her hubby, "Oh dear! I just let off a LONG TOOT, but at least it was a silent one. What should I do?"

He replied, "Get some new batteries for your hearing aid!"
(#5576735) Re: Valentine's day
Posted by theoldmaster on 4 Feb 2024 at 7:44AM
Haha
(#5576732) Re: Valentine's day
Posted by hoot on 4 Feb 2024 at 7:07AM
LOL
(#5576711) Valentine's day
Posted by eliphont551 on 4 Feb 2024 at 5:33AM
One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, "I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," Jim said.

That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it - only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams”.
(#5576669) Re: current theme - Valentines
Posted by Sundrop kid on 3 Feb 2024 at 8:40PM
Cupid should have a hangman's noose instead of an arrow....
(#5576666) Re: current theme - Valentines
Posted by **Lover of Darkness** on 3 Feb 2024 at 8:06PM
I can't wait for the day after Valentines Day because chocolate goes on sale.......
(#5576651) Re: current theme - Valentines
Posted by Jools on 3 Feb 2024 at 7:44PM
As i didn't get a response, I will set it

Jokes about Valentines
(#5576645) current
Posted by **Lover of Darkness** on 3 Feb 2024 at 6:44PM
What is current theme?????
(#5574519) Re: Poll Winner
Posted by monkeytyper on 26 Jan 2024 at 10:15AM
thanks bunches..love tokens of any kind..
(#5574493) Re: Poll Winner
Posted by Jools on 26 Jan 2024 at 7:17AM
Sorry, I forgot 2nd place
Second place goes to monkeytyper with their entry What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? with 25% of the vote.
Look out for a token on your profiles soon!
(#5574178) Poll Winner
Posted by Jools on 25 Jan 2024 at 5:45AM

We have a winner! Confetti


For the last poll, Vote for your favourite Christmas Joke
Congratulations to transfusion with their entry What are the 4 stages of life? with 29% of the vote.
Look out for a winner's token on your profile soon!

As the winner, you get to choose the next theme.
(#5570931) Time to vote
Posted by Jools on 13 Jan 2024 at 11:16AM
Time to vote for your favourite Christmas joke
(#5570019) (no subject)
Posted by theoldmaster on 10 Jan 2024 at 11:00AM
 Q. What are the four favorite animals of a woman?
  A. 1 A Tiiger in bed
      2 A Mink on her shoulder
      3 A Jaguar in the garage
      4 A Jackass to pay for it all
(#5569627) Re: Any more Christmas jokes?
Posted by Gameheart on 9 Jan 2024 at 2:23AM
Which reindeer doesn't believe in Christmas? Rudolph the Red.
(#5569511) Christmas joke
Posted by hoot on 8 Jan 2024 at 2:24PM

Why shouldn't you lend money to elves? They're always short.

(#5569475) Any more Christmas jokes?
Posted by Jools on 8 Jan 2024 at 11:13AM
Any more?
Poll will go up soon
(#5569084) Christmas Joke
Posted by transfusion on 7 Jan 2024 at 11:25AM
What are the 4 stages of life?
Stage 1: You believe in Santa.
Stage 2: You don't believe in Santa.
Stage 3: You are Santa.
Stage 4: You look like Santa.
(#5567090) Re: Christmas Joke
Posted by hoot on 1 Jan 2024 at 5:27AM
2. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had very low elf esteem.
(#5566909) Happy New Year!
Posted by eliphont551 on 31 Dec 2023 at 3:23PM
Happy New Year!

My New Year's resolution was to drop my bad habits, but no one likes a quitter.

(#5565676) Re: (no subject)
Posted by hoof hearted on 27 Dec 2023 at 7:11PM
They are interchangeable as far as the joke is concerned. That's what makes it funny.
(#5565146) Re: (no subject)
Posted by hypnotist on 26 Dec 2023 at 4:26AM
It is best done as a verbal joke in which case the chosen spelling is not visible. It does work with either spelling, but personally I prefer presence to presents. YMMV 🤷‍♂️
(#5565083) Re: (no subject)
Posted by KG_2020 on 25 Dec 2023 at 7:39PM
Autocorrect damaged that joke. Presents.
(#5564977) (no subject)
Posted by hoof hearted on 25 Dec 2023 at 10:35AM
How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He felt his presence.
(#5562114) Christmas Joke
Posted by monkeytyper on 16 Dec 2023 at 7:30AM
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
(#5561662) Re: Quantum Mechanics
Posted by jd91 on 14 Dec 2023 at 11:45AM
My favourite episode.
(#5561658) Re: Quantum Mechanics
Posted by jroyster on 14 Dec 2023 at 11:34AM
Is that the one where he gets drunk and takes off his pants?
(#5561582) Re: Quantum Mechanics
Posted by jd91 on 14 Dec 2023 at 7:42AM
Watch the episode with Sheldon at the Chancellor's Awards.
(#5561330) Quantum Mechanics
Posted by jroyster on 13 Dec 2023 at 8:10AM
I am binging the Big Bang Theory and I heard this one last night on Season 2 of the Big Bang Theory:

So, a physicist goes to an ice cream parlor every week, and orders an ice cream sundae for himself and offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while, until the owner finally asks him what he is doing.

The physicist says, "Well, I am a physicist and Quantum Mechanics teaches us that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a woman who might accept my offering and fall in love with me."

The owner says, "Well lots of single, beautiful woman come in here everyday. Why don't you buy an ice cream for one of them and they might fall in love with you?"

And the physicist says, "Yeah, well what are the odds of that happening!"
(#5561313) Christmas
Posted by Fian on 13 Dec 2023 at 7:08AM
Why does a cat walking on the beach remind you of Christmas? It has sandy claws!
(#5560755) Talking Duck
Posted by jroyster on 11 Dec 2023 at 4:57PM
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender is astounded and proclaims, "you can talk!" Of course I can talk, I gotta mouth ain't I? The bartender gives him a beer and strikes up a conversation. He learns the duck is bricklayer, and he's in town to help build a museum. Everyday for weeks, the duck comes into the bar and orders a beer. Then one day he comes in upset and asks for a bottle of whiskey. The bartender asks him what happened. The duck said he's finished the museum and now he's out of work. The bartender tells him there's a circus in town and he's sure he could find work there. The duck says, "The Circus, huh." "Yes," says the bartender. "Don't they have the big tent?" asks the duck. "Why yes!" says the bartender. "And isn't the tent held up by the big poles?" "Why yes, I suppose so" says the bartender. "Then why the heck would they need a bricklayer!?!"
(#5560699) Re: Snowman Joke
Posted by hoot on 11 Dec 2023 at 1:51PM
How do you get a snowman to go away? Get into a heated argument.
(#5560658) Re: Christmas tokens
Posted by jroyster on 11 Dec 2023 at 9:56AM
How much does Santa pay for parking?

Nothing.

It’s on the house.
(#5560649) Re: Christmas tokens
Posted by dawn1968 on 11 Dec 2023 at 8:55AM
Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital?

He has private elf care.
(#5560397) Christmas Joke
Posted by PattyMac on 10 Dec 2023 at 11:07AM
What does Santa do when the reindeer's drive too fast? Hold on for deer life. Laughing
(#5560394) Santa vs Amazon
Posted by jroyster on 10 Dec 2023 at 10:41AM
Reporter: Why, after almost two centuries, are you losing business to Amazon?

Santa: They have a better return policy.
(#5560340) Re: Snowman Joke
Posted by Sundrop kid on 10 Dec 2023 at 6:53AM
Christmas eve way back when this angel had a tree and just didn't know where to put it. She kept asking Santa over and over and over again. He was tired of hearing it and just said "Go dhove it up you butt"
(#5560312) Re: What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”
Posted by hoot on 10 Dec 2023 at 5:21AM
Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?
Because he went down in history.
(#5560309) Re: Christmas tokens
Posted by jd91 on 10 Dec 2023 at 5:12AM
Why should you never sign up for anything with a group of Santas?
Too many Clauses.
(#5560254) Re: Snowman Joke
Posted by Sundrop kid on 9 Dec 2023 at 11:21PM
(#5560253) Snowman Joke
Posted by RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack on 9 Dec 2023 at 11:17PM
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose!
(#5560250) Re: What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”
Posted by Jools on 9 Dec 2023 at 9:49PM
The old 'uns are the good 'uns

You are the first to win yourself a Christmas token Santa
(#5560249) Christmas tokens
Posted by Jools on 9 Dec 2023 at 9:47PM
Hi everyone, as you can see we have new hosts for the board.

To get things going, everyone who submits a joke for the next vote will receive a random Christmas token from above. As usual the poll winner will get a winner's token too.

The theme for this contest is going to be fairly obvious

CHRISTMAS Santa

(#5560136) What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”
Posted by eliphont551 on 9 Dec 2023 at 2:44PM



What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Santa walking backward!


What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.


Groan!
(#5550438) Re: Random Joke
Posted by theoldmaster on 6 Nov 2023 at 7:39AM
Haha
(#5550143) another turkey joke..
Posted by monkeytyper on 5 Nov 2023 at 8:11AM
Why shouldn’t you look at the turkey dressing?

Because it will make him blush.
(#5550033) Re: Turkey joke
Posted by TaUrUsRoSe on 4 Nov 2023 at 10:09PM
Why shouldn't you sit next to a turkey at dinner? Because he will gobble it up!
(#5550032) Re: How many Jokes Board Profile Tokens do you have?
Posted by quietman on 4 Nov 2023 at 10:04PM
6 more tokens awarded ✅
jroyster
**Lover of Darkness**
Jools
dawn1968
RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack
jd91
Keep'em coming.. one joke will be deemed "the funniest" and win a special profile token on 23 November
Each player who posts one or more jokes or cartoons wins one random board token and is eligible to win 1st prize
(#5550027) Re: How many Jokes Board Profile Tokens do you have?
Posted by dawn1968 on 4 Nov 2023 at 9:20PM
What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google.
(#5550026) Re: Turkey joke
Posted by **Lover of Darkness** on 4 Nov 2023 at 9:01PM
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
(#5550020) Random Joke
Posted by **Lover of Darkness** on 4 Nov 2023 at 8:12PM
A farmer was sitting at the table while his wife was preparing dinner.
His wife dropped a spoon and bent over to pick it up. As she bent over the farmer said, "Honey, your butt is as big as a combine." The wife picks up the spoon and continues cooking with no comment to her husband. As she put the dinner on the table she dropped the pepper shaker on the floor. While she was bent over picking it up the farmer said, "Honey, I take that back. Your butt is as big as two combines!" The wife picks up the pepper, sets it on the table and begins eating with no comment to her husband. Later on that night after the couple had gone to bed, the farmer started feeling a little frisky. As he cuddled up to his wife, he noticed that there was no response on her end. He tapped his wife on the shoulder and asked her what was wrong. She replied, "Do you really think that I am going to fire up $300,000 worth of machinery for
one little corn cob?"
(#5549936) Re: Almost turkey time in the USA
Posted by jroyster on 4 Nov 2023 at 3:01PM
What did they call the cute pilgrim? A puri-10!
(#5549930) Re: Almost turkey time in the USA
Posted by jroyster on 4 Nov 2023 at 2:37PM
Q: Why did the turkey refuse dessert? A: He was stuffed.
(#5549912) Re: How many Jokes Board Profile Tokens do you have?
Posted by RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack on 4 Nov 2023 at 2:11PM
(#5549886) Re: Turkey joke
Posted by Jools on 4 Nov 2023 at 1:26PM
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had his own drumsticks.
(#5549883) Re: How many Jokes Board Profile Tokens do you have?
Posted by Jools on 4 Nov 2023 at 1:11PM
not enough - you can never have too many Smiling
(#5549872) Re: How many Jokes Board Profile Tokens do you have?
Posted by jd91 on 4 Nov 2023 at 12:38PM
What happened to the turkey who ran the ball on 4th & 1?

They got stuffed.
(#5549869) Re: Turkey joke
Posted by quietman on 4 Nov 2023 at 12:24PM
Thank you, token request posted ✅
(#5549868) Re: Turkey joke
Posted by ladyvic on 4 Nov 2023 at 12:19PM
Flowery Thank you
(#5549866) Re: Turkey joke
Posted by PattyMac on 4 Nov 2023 at 12:17PM
Why do turkeys gobble? Because they never learned table manners.
(#5549865) Re: Almost turkey time in the USA
Posted by quietman on 4 Nov 2023 at 12:15PM
Thank you eliphont551, you have earned a board profile token ✅
(#5549864) Re: Turkey joke
Posted by quietman on 4 Nov 2023 at 12:14PM
Thank you ladyvic, you have earned a board profile token ✅
(#5549862) How many Jokes Board Profile Tokens do you have?
Posted by quietman on 4 Nov 2023 at 12:13PM
{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002311041206581.jpg }
🦃 Post a "Thanksgiving Joke or Cartoon" no later than 23 November and win a random board profile token Thumbs up

The United States celebrates Thanksgiving as a national holiday on the fourth Thursday in November. In 2023, Thanksgiving will be observed on Thursday, November 23
In Canada, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the second Monday in October. In 2023, it was observed on Monday, October 9
A few other countries celebrate Thanksgiving or Harvest Festival on various dates
(#5549505) Turkey joke
Posted by ladyvic on 3 Nov 2023 at 12:17PM
"What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?" "Quack, Quack!"
(#5549442) Almost turkey time in the USA
Posted by eliphont551 on 3 Nov 2023 at 6:25AM
What's a turkey without feathers called? Thanksgiving dinner.

What time do families sit down to Thanksgiving dinner? Halftime.
(#5547887) Halloween Humor - Air Rage
Posted by quietman on 28 Oct 2023 at 5:51PM
{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002310281746171.jpg }
spacer40
(#5544744) Re: Photographic Memory
Posted by quietman on 17 Oct 2023 at 3:53PM
I have a great memory, I'm just very forgetful Puzzled
(#5544718) Re: Heaven's Guests
Posted by quietman on 17 Oct 2023 at 1:11PM

spacer40What is a mummy's favorite flower?

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002310171306421.jpg }

spacer40Chrysanthamummies

spacer40
(#5544714) Re: More Fun at the Pearly Gates
Posted by bobby b 71 on 17 Oct 2023 at 12:57PM
Well Quietman it sounds like you had a situation there beyond James Bond!! I hope you had a little Judo, Karate, Jiu-Jitsu, Akido, Kendo, Kempo, as well as a Sai, Nunchucks and a Samurai sword! Then I am confident you would have been entered into the pearly gates!! May God and The Lady In Venus BLESS YOU!! I will see you there someday!!
(#5544713) Re: Heaven's guests
Posted by bobby b 71 on 17 Oct 2023 at 12:45PM
Well, I would not like to have been that 3rd. guy! I do think I might have spelled the word closely to correct as Chrysantina! She was a gal from the cave people era! I really hope St.Peter would have allowed me to enter! (only problem is I am an impersonator!)
(#5544540) Heaven's guests
Posted by squirly138 on 16 Oct 2023 at 7:45PM
3 Guys find themselves at the pearly gates and St Peter says you can enter if you can spell some words for me, He then asked the first guy to spell goat the guy spells goat and the gate opened. He asked the 2nd guy to spell cow and the guy spelled cow and the gate opened. He asked the 3rd guy to spell chrysanthemum but the guy just stood there for a minute and then said oh heck with it, I guess I'll pass on this one.....
(#5544473) Why were the ancient Egyptian children confused?
Posted by quietman on 16 Oct 2023 at 2:50PM
They realized their daddies were mummies 🎃🧌🧟‍♂️🧛‍♀️ 👻
{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002310161446181.jpg }
(#5544455) Re: More Fun at the Pearly Gates
Posted by quietman on 16 Oct 2023 at 2:31PM
That’s Impressive!
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates
St. Peter explains that it's not so easy to get into heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed
For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church?
No
St. Peter told him that's bad
Was he generous? Give money to the poor? Charities?
No
St. Peter told him that that too was bad
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything?
No
St. Peter was becoming concerned
Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime.. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man said, "There was this little old lady.. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back and then I helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face"
"Wow!", said Peter, "That's impressive.. When did this happen?"
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man
spacer40
(#5544425) Frog at the library
Posted by Jools on 16 Oct 2023 at 11:43AM
A frog visits the library to get a new book.
He is seen looking at all the books on the shelf saying
"read it!, read it!, read it!, read it!"
(#5544211) Re: The creature with the shortest "fun" life.
Posted by quietman on 15 Oct 2023 at 2:14PM
What does a frog say when he's knee deep in the pond?

🐸 Knee *Deep* !!
(#5544198) The creature with the shortest "fun" life.
Posted by bobby b 71 on 15 Oct 2023 at 1:06PM
After years of studying chromosomes, hormones, neurological reflexes and the like I have Finally discovered which creature has the SHORTEST Fun life!! It is the frog!! He hops on hops off and then croaks!!!!
(#5542337) Re: 3 Nuns at the Pearly Gates
Posted by bobby b 71 on 8 Oct 2023 at 11:28PM
Very cute joke there lwmc! I still keep contact with several of my former Girlfriends (who were my piano students 1/2 a Century ago!) They all went to the Saint Thomas Highschool for girls. They constantly made jokes and "wise cracks" about the nuns! I am 100% POSITIVE that they will laugh their you know whats OFF!! When they hear this JOKE!!
(#5541265) 3 Nuns at the Pearly Gates
Posted by lwmc on 4 Oct 2023 at 7:02PM
One of the lighter forms of humor that often brings a smile to our faces involves scenarios where individuals pass away and find themselves at the gates of heaven. There’s something about these jokes that tends to tickle our funny bones.

Today, we have just such a joke for you. It involves three nuns who have passed away and arrived at the pearly gates, where they must undergo a test to gain entry.
While this premise is common in jokes of this nature, what sets this one apart is a clever twist that not only makes it unique but also adds to its comedic charm.

 3 Nuns are traveling in a bus when it crashes.
All of the nuns died instantly, and find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates, where St Peter is waiting for them.
He said to the nuns, “Before I can let you into heaven you each have to answer a question.”
To the first nun, St Peter asks “Where did Adam meet the first woman?” The Nun replied, “In the Garden Of Eden.”
St Peter smiled, heavenly bells rang, and the pearly gates opened.

St Peter then turned to the second Nun and asked, “What was the name of the first woman in the garden of Eden?” The second Nun promptly replied, “Her name was Eve.”
St Peter smiled, heavenly bells rang, and the pearly gates opened.
St Peter then turns to the final Nun, and asks “What did Eve say when she first saw Adam in the garden of Eden?”
The Nun was stumped and stood still for a very long time trying to recall the answer. “Ooh, that’s a hard one…” she muttered under her breath.
St Peter smiled, heavenly bells rang, and the pearly gates opened.
(#5540835) Why don't mummies take vacations in the summer?
Posted by laura lee on 3 Oct 2023 at 7:11AM
Because they're afraid to relax and unwind! 🌞🎃👻
{ Image: purplekittyyarns.com/images/coloring-pages/thumbs/thumb_mummy_oct12.jpg }
(#5539528) Twistin' the Night Away
Posted by quietman on 28 Sep 2023 at 7:24AM
An elderly couple are out dancing on Saturday night at the local American Legion
The old lady said, "You used to dance closer to me", so the old man moved closer
She then said, "You used to hold me", so he put his arms around her
"You used to nibble on my ear", she said with a wink,
To which the old man replied, "Hold on.. let me get my teeth!"
spacer40
(#5538828) Re: Photgraphic memory
Posted by hypnotist on 26 Sep 2023 at 1:07AM
I have a photographic memory but I can never remember to load the film. 🤷‍♂️
(#5538770) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by dawn1968 on 25 Sep 2023 at 4:15PM
Why do you say that it is anti same sex marriage statement?

Aren't you assuming that it is a joke about a female and male? The joke didn't make it clear either way. 20 years ago, that may not have been in question. In this day and time unless it is specified you never know.
(#5538685) JOKE
Posted by karynsong on 25 Sep 2023 at 11:01AM
A man goes into a confessional after many years away from the church and is amazed to see it equipped with Guiness on tap, shelves stocked with cigars and chocolates.

He says to the priest that he was sorry it has been so long since his last confession, things have really improved.

The priest said, "Get out! You're on my side."
(#5538665) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by quietman on 25 Sep 2023 at 9:20AM
Most people do, unless you're going "commando" Blushing
(#5538663) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by Silkwood on 25 Sep 2023 at 9:01AM
who wears underclothes ?
(#5538660) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by Jools on 25 Sep 2023 at 8:37AM
I would have thought in a same-sex relationship, each other's underwear would be more likely to fit Puzzled
(#5538659) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by Silkwood on 25 Sep 2023 at 8:35AM
Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?
A: The boogieman.
(#5538655) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by quietman on 25 Sep 2023 at 8:03AM
That's not a review of the humor.. it's an anti same-sex-marriage statement that, incidentally has nothing to do with a male husband wearing his female wife's underclothes
(#5538534) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by KG_2020 on 24 Sep 2023 at 8:53PM
Would be funnier 20 years ago when we didn't have to consider the possability it was a same-sex marriage. (Not being a bigot- just a review of the humor.)
(#5538520) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by jroyster on 24 Sep 2023 at 7:03PM
Getting ready for Halloween I told my wife her underwear were too tight and revealing. She shot back, "Well wear your own then!"
(#5538106) (no subject)
Posted by Sundrop kid on 23 Sep 2023 at 10:12AM
My son loves that I named all my kids Star Wars names.

My daughter Chewie not so much
(#5537943) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by dawn1968 on 22 Sep 2023 at 5:28PM
Laughing Laughing

those were some funny jokes!
(#5537931) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by ladyvic on 22 Sep 2023 at 4:13PM
Laughing
(#5537925) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by eliphont551 on 22 Sep 2023 at 4:04PM
Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
(#5537915) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by jroyster on 22 Sep 2023 at 3:38PM
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no-body to go with.
(#5537914) Re: Halloween time Smiling
Posted by ladyvic on 22 Sep 2023 at 3:33PM
What do birds give to trick or treaters? Tweets.
(#5537912) Halloween time Smiling
Posted by eliphont551 on 22 Sep 2023 at 3:25PM
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin pi

Post a new comment                         Expand all messages                         Show all boards                         Subscribe Subscribe