What is the funniest Golf joke?

Poll Closed 1 June 2023 - Results:

• Don't be Late for your Tee-Off Time (9) 1st Place Avatar 6453
• Why is it called golf? (3) 2nd Place Whimjest
• Golf and doctors (2)
• Contest Joke The Rider (1)
• Golf trousers (1)

Votes: 16

Thanks to those who posted a joke, and to the 16 players who voted. 1st and 2nd place winners will receive tokens to be announced in Recognition Tokens

#1 - The Rider

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I've been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?

The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it"

#2 - Golf Trousers

Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers?

In case they get a hole in one

#3 - Golf and Doctors

An older doctor said to me "In today's working conditions I get a lot of middle age executives with high stress. I ask them if they play golf"

"If they say yes, I recommend they quit, and if they say no, I suggest they start!"

#4 - Why is it called "Golf"?

Question: Why is it called Golf?

Answer: "Oh, Fudge!" was already taken

#5 - Don't Be Late For Your Tee-Off Time

A friend of Henry's dies suddenly. A week later, he comes back to tell his friend how great Heaven is

"Henry," he says, "you won't believe it, but there is golf in Heaven"

"That is wonderful!" Henry replies

"Don't be so thrilled," his friend tells him. "Your tee-off time is scheduled for 8 am this Saturday!"

Posted by Whimjest

Question: Why is it called Golf?

Answer: Oh, Fudge! was already taken

Voting poll will be posted on Sunday

1st and 2nd place tokens will be awarded

😆

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002305250635051.jpg }

A friend of Henry's dies suddenly. A week later, he comes back to tell his friend how great Heaven is

"Henry," he says, "you won't believe it, but there is golf in Heaven"

"That is wonderful!" Henry replies

"Don't be so thrilled," his friend tells him. "Your tee-off time is scheduled for 8 am this Saturday"

The New Contest Theme will be posted at the top of this board soon. As always, subscribers may post any joke, riddle, quip or cartoon anytime.. I'm always looking for my daily laugh

What is your favorite funniest joke of all time?

1st Place - My Four Husbands (8) by { karynsong

2nd Place - How is the patient doing? (6) by **Lover of Darkness**

A Blond joke (5)

Pug (3)

Open theme joke (2)

Archeological (2)

Faithful Wife or Dog? (2)

Just Desserts (1)

Lazy kangaroo (1)

Votes: 30

*Thanks to all who posted an entry.. congrats to karynsong and **Lover of Darkness** for winning 1st and 2nd place respectively

Winners token will be issued here: Recognition Tokens db

And it took you till May to make the announcement

Vote for your favorite "funniest joke of all time"

The 1st and 2nd place winners will receive jokes board tokens

Thanks to all who submitted a joke, and thank you to those who voted!

🚩 Submitted by karynsong

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002304281056461.jpg }

The local news station was interviewing an 90-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 90, and then about her new husband's occupation

"He's a funeral director," she answered

"Interesting," the newsman thought

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 90's - a funeral director

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers

(Wait for it)..

She smiled and explained, ”I married one for the money,

two for the show,

three to get ready,

and four to go"

To me, this is the funniest joke ever with the greatest punchline!

It’s an oldie but goodie and I still laugh every time I read it

(not for contest)

It’s Elementary, Watson!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see"

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three"

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes? "

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent! "

What is the funniest Bad Memory joke?

1*st Place - *What is the name of that restaurant? by Jools (4)

2*nd Place - *A man meets a Native American with flawless memory... by eliphont551 (3)

2*nd Place - *Photographic memory #2 by dgb (3)

An elderly man and his wife are losing their memory by RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack (2)

When I die by laura lee (2)

Photographic memory #3 by hoof hearted (2)

Motivational speaker by { Player: Lover of Darkness } (1)

Bad memory by hypnotist (1)

Photographic memory by jroyster (0)

Votes: 18

Congrats to the winners. 1st place receives a Jokes board profile token. 2nd place receives the 2nd place token

Thanks to all who have posted a joke. After the voting poll is completed the winners will receive 1st and 2nd place tokens

Good luck 🤞

Any more funny bad memory jokes for the contest? The 1st and 2nd place winners will receive a Jokes Board Profile Token

I didn’t take your inappropriate post as an insult. This shouldn’t be a place to post misinformation.. take it to truth social where it belongs

By the way.. the names of people actually on that flight list should not surprise anyone by now. Get your “ alternative facts" straight!

This is exactly how lies and misinformation is spread on the internet.. someone reads a lie, then without any proof decide it’s a great idea to post this on social media. Brilliant!

I wonder how many people will read this lie about Ellen DeGeneres and believe it?

USA Today Fact Check: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2020/07/30/fact-check-teigen-degeneres-oprah-not-epstein-flight-logs/5494709002/

Oops! Hit the back key two too many times

On Beauty:

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 36 get-well cards.

Photos of me don't do me justice. They just look like me.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his dressing room.

I'm glad that beauty is only skin deep. Otherwise, I'd be rotten to the core.

I will never give up; I’m in my 14th year of a ten-day beauty plan.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor… I was committed!

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

Think of me as a sex symbol for men who just don't give a darn.

No matter what you look like, marry a man your own age. Then as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

On Husband Fang:

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There’s a dead bird." He looked up!

His breath is so bad the dentist works on him through his ears.

If Fang had a brain operation, it would be minor surgery.

Fang is so useless that it’s hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, "If you love me, blink your eyes."

The only way I can get Fang out of bed in the morning is to wear a black dress and a veil, and sit on the edge of his bed and cry.

Fang always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.

On Housework and Cooking:

They say that housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

If your children write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

My cooking is so bad that my kids thought Thanksgiving was in memory of Pearl Harbor.

The best way to get rid of kitchen odors is to eat out.

I asked the waiter if the milk was fresh. He said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass."

On Aging:

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Tranquilizers only work if you follow the instructions on the bottle - ‘Keep away from children’.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

On Beauty:

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 36 get-well cards.

Photos of me don't do me justice. They just look like me.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his dressing room.

I'm glad that beauty is only skin deep. Otherwise, I'd be rotten to the core.

I will never give up; I’m in my 14th year of a ten-day beauty plan.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor… I was committed!

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

Think of me as a sex symbol for men who just don't give a darn.

No matter what you look like, marry a man your own age. Then as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

On Husband Fang:

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There’s a dead bird." He looked up!

His breath is so bad the dentist works on him through his ears.

If Fang had a brain operation, it would be minor surgery.

Fang is so useless that it’s hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, "If you love me, blink your eyes."

The only way I can get Fang out of bed in the morning is to wear a black dress and a veil, and sit on the edge of his bed and cry.

Fang always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.

Fang can’t stand to see trash and garbage lying around the house. He can’t stand the competition.

On Housework and Cooking:

They say that housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

If your children write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

My cooking is so bad that my kids thought Thanksgiving was in memory of Pearl Harbor.

The best way to get rid of kitchen odors is to eat out.

I asked the waiter if the milk was fresh. He said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass."

On Aging:

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Tranquilizers only work if you follow the instructions on the bottle - ‘Keep away from children’.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

On Beauty:

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 36 get-well cards.

Photos of me don't do me justice. They just look like me.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his dressing room.

I'm glad that beauty is only skin deep. Otherwise, I'd be rotten to the core.

I will never give up; I’m in my 14th year of a ten-day beauty plan.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor… I was committed!

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

Think of me as a sex symbol for men who just don't give a darn.

No matter what you look like, marry a man your own age. Then as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

On Husband Fang:

My husband, Fang, is so dumb I once said, "There’s a dead bird." He looked up!

His breath is so bad the dentist works on him through his ears.

If Fang had a brain operation, it would be minor surgery.

Fang is so useless that it’s hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, "If you love me, blink your eyes."

The only way I can get Fang out of bed in the morning is to wear a black dress and a veil, and sit on the edge of his bed and cry.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.

Fang can’t stand to see trash and garbage lying around the house. He can’t stand the competition.

On Housework and Cooking:

They say that housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

If your children write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

My cooking is so bad that my kids thought Thanksgiving was in memory of Pearl Harbor.

The best way to get rid of kitchen odors is to eat out.

I asked the waiter if the milk was fresh. He said, "Lady, three hours ago it was grass."

On Aging:

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Tranquilizers only work if you follow the instructions on the bottle - ‘Keep away from children’.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine as they sat together on a park bench. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years.. chatting, and enjoying each other’s friendship

One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, “Please don't be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years. What is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can’t”

The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for a full minute, and finally with tearful eyes, says, “How soon do you have to know?”

• "Where are you going?" asks the wife
• "Just going to grab some vanilla ice cream," replies the husband
• "Oh, grab me some too, then!"

• "Shouldn't you write it down like the doctor recommended?"
• "It's just some vanilla ice cream, I can remember."
• "In that case, throw some whipped cream and a cherry on top, why don't ya?" The wife added

• "Well shouldn't you write it down?"
• "It's just some vanilla ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top, I've got it," the man replies growing weary of this conversation.

Known for using language to masterful (and often surprising) effect, it's only right that we pay proper tribute to 10 of her best wise words and one-liners:

1. ON THE ART OF A DIRTY JOKE

“Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that—it's got to be funny.”

2. ON HER REGRETS

“I have no regrets at all. None. I consider myself to be the luckiest old broad on two feet.”

3. ON WHETHER SHE'S EVER MADE SOMEONE ANGRY. (SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE, RIGHT?)

“I have two ex-husbands.”

4. ON LIKING OLDER MEN

“I’ve always liked older men. They’re just more attractive to me. Of course, at my age there aren’t that many left!”

5. ON HER CULINARY SKILLS

“I’m not a big cook. I only go in the kitchen to feed my dog.”

6. ON HER COLLEAGUES

“I am still to this day star struck. I look out at this audience and I see so many famous faces, but what really boggles my mind is that I actually know many of you. And I’ve worked with quite a few.. maybe had a couple.. and you know who you are.”

7. ON HANDLING GRIEF

“There's no formula. Keep busy with your work and your life. You can't become a professional mourner. It doesn't help you or others. Keep the person in your heart all the time. Replay the good times. Be grateful for the years you had.”

8. ON HOW IT FEELS TO BE CALLED "LEGENDARY"

“I just laugh. Have I got them fooled.”

9. ON HOW SHE STAYS HEALTHY

“I’m a health nut. My favorite food is hot dogs with French fries. And my exercise: I have a two-story house and a very bad memory, so I’m up and down those stairs.”

10. ON HARRY HOUDINI

“I not only knew Houdini, but we had a very lovely relationship … I really thought we had something going, and then the son of a gun disappeared!”

Rest in Peace, Betty White.. you made us smile

Poll Results - Vote for your favorite Easter joke

Hare Spray - (14) 1st karynsong

Easter Army - (6) 2nd Jools

Easter Humor - (2)

Easter egg - (0)

Votes: 22

Congrats to our winners. Tokens will be posted to Recognition Tokens today

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her!

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada..

Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are passing you on the street saying, "I can't tell if that person is laughing or crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster"

Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it's different from what your neighbors believe in and different from what your parents believe in. Stay true to yourself. Have your own opinion. Don't worry about what people say about you or think about you. Let the naysayers nay. They will eventually grow tired of naying

Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that path

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system

Thank you to the players who posted an entry.. good luck to all

The poll will be up for 3 days. Please vote now

It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds

Johnny asked them what they were for

"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him

"Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go to church and He shows up"

Vote for the funniest April Fools Day Prank

Backup Toilet by Zanda (5) 1st Place

Coworkers Desktop by jroyster (3) 2nd Place

Texting Prank by Silkwood (2)

Diverting Phones by Jools (2)

Police Department Porches by hypnotist (2)

Sugar Bowl with Salt Hoax by hoof hearted (2)

Flat Tire by gertess (2)

Spaghetti Tree Hoax by JohnDerrek (0)

Votes: 18

Congrats to our first and second place winners!

Token prizes will be posted on Recognition Tokens discussion board

Thanks to all who posted an entry

(unknown photo)

RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack, please accept the Flight of Peace Gift Token 2022 as a peace offering

You have every right to ask a question regarding the rules. In fact, it was actually helpful because I am now in discussion with Judy about how the rules should be worded. It gets tricky

Hopefully I’ll have the modified rules posted soon

Me too

I have modified the rules.. should have done this sooner. I will try to get the Top of the Board updated as soon as possible to reflect the changes

RabidWolff, please let me know if this clears things up

Board Rules:

1. Post your favorite Jokes anytime

2. New themes for upcoming contests for profile tokens will be announced periodically, about twice per month

3. PLEASE click Post a new comment when you enter your joke as it makes it easier to put up a poll

4. If you won the last contest, you will not be eligible for the next one to give all an equal chance

5. Only one entry per player will be eligible. If a player posts more than one, the first joke will be used

As host, I didn’t think it was proper for my entry to be counted. I thought the example prank story might motivate players to come up with their own ideas. In fact, it did.. I voted for Texting Prank by silkwood. It was original (mine was not) and it made me laugh. I also liked the Spaghetti Tree.. hilarious!

They all were great and I was happy to have 8 entries, although a few were posted in General Chat in error, so I moved them here for the contest. That is why a few of the entries had names attached.. I should have removed the names when I created the poll

Live and learn 🥴

Sorry for the confusion. I planned to announce a new theme for the next contest when the current contest is completed. It seemed to me players could post jokes on any subject between contests, just for a laugh

But you’re right.. the rules should be more explicit

No excuses. I’m not cut out to be a discussion board host. In fact, if anyone would like to take over the hosting duties, please contact eliphont551 with your request

I’ll be leaving this db after the winner(s) for the April Fools Day contest is announced

Thanks

From the Blog of WONRHAF { Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002304011355231.gif } (Written on 13 Feb 2015)

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002304011420041.jpg }

An employee comes into her manager’s office to take a day off from work. The manager replies, So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days

We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

Vote for the funniest April Fools Day Prank

The 1st and 2nd place April Fools Day Stories or Jokes will win a random Jokes DB Profile Token

The poll will close on 4 April 2023

Thanks to all who entered a prank story.. good luck!

No worries here. Feel free to post one

Are you paraplegic? If so, maybe you could set up a prank on your caregiver

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002303271125461.jpg }

For this one, cut a tiny piece of paper to fit undetected under your target’s computer mouse. Write “Gotcha!” on it then stick it on the device with some tape. When they try to use the mouse, it won’t work. A peek at the bottom of their mouse will let them know they’ve been pranked

A friend of mine won the Grand Prize on Wheel of Fortune! After the show he hurried home, burst through the front door and excitedly shouted to his wife, "Honey, I just won 50 Thousand Dollars on The Wheel of Fortune!"

"Pack your bags!"

She couldn’t believe it and said, "Oh, that’s wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains!?"

He replied, “I don’t care.. just pack your bags and get out!"

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002303262112531.jpg }

And WIPE YOUR FEET before you come in! 🦘 🦘

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002303171331331.jpg }

Yes, that’s exactly what the middle class and poor will pay while the rich just got another big tax cut!

🍀 Happy St Patrick’s Day

There were three sisters living together 82, 84 and 85 years old. The oldest went upstairs one evening to take a bath. As she was getting in the tub with one foot in and one foot out, she called down to her sisters,

"Am I getting in the tub or am I getting out of the tub?"

The 84 year old decided to go upstairs to see if she could help figure out the situation. She got to the 3rd step and stopped, then called out,

"Was I going up the stairs or was I coming down the stairs?"

The 82 year old, sitting at the kitchen table, thought she'd better knock on wood, and as she knocked twice on the kitchen table she said, "I hope I never get as forgetful as my sisters"

"Now, was that the front door or the back door?"

Results will be posted at the top of the board soon

Thanks to all who voted.. have a happy St Paddy’s Day

bestgremlin,

After a second look at the joke, I now realize it is on topic.. the “sham”poo is the play on words. My apologies for missing that

Because of my mistake, please except a St Patrick’s Day profile token.. I will post this request in Recognition Tokens

There were only 3 "St Paddy’s Day" jokes submitted as new posts. Your joke was in reply to a post, and it doesn’t seem to be on topic. Sorry for the confusion

Vote for the funniest St Patrick’s Day joke. The player who receives the most votes for their entry will receive a St Patrick’s Day profile token

This poll will be open until 16 March 2023

Good luck!

..to post your favorite St Patrick’s Day jokes

A poll to vote for the winning joke will be posted Wednesday, 8 March. Good luck

Vote for your favorite joke from February entries

Poll Closed 28 Feb

1st Kids... (6) Congrats to eliphont551

2nd Too Tired To Think (3)

2nd Worry (3)

At the Library (1)

Better Luck Next Time (1)

Why can't you (1)

How do you (0)

Votes: 15

Due to a minor misunderstanding, I now understand we have just 8 tokens per year to award as prizes. Currently we have 6 tokens (displayed atop this board) and we’ll have 2 more in June. I hope we can negotiate an increase in this number with GT but for now we will have to plan accordingly

This mean we will have just one contest per month, not two. Sorry for the misinformation

The current club poll will close tonight (28 Feb) and the winner will be posted tomorrow morning (1 Mar)

Then the next contest will begin

Thanks to Badger and eliphont551 for offering the host duties for this board to me. I’ve been tasked with setting up monthly or bimonthly contests with Profile Tokens as prizes. I’ve decided to post a new topic twice a month

I will announce the 1st topic on the 1st day of the month, then after 7 days I will create a poll on this board so that players may vote for their favorite joke. The poll will remain active for 7 days, then a winner will be announced

I will then announce the next topic on the 15th day of the month. After 7 days I will create a new poll so that players may vote for their favorite joke. The poll will be up for 7 days, then a new winner will be announced

This process will repeat each month so there will always be two winners per month. Hopefully our incredible graphic design team will keep those board-specific tokens coming.. I’d like to give away at least 24 per year in our poll contests, and I will also create other ways to make this board fun and interesting for all subscribers

Your ideas and suggestions are always welcome

The topic for March 1st is:

St Patrick’s Day Jokes 🍀

You may begin posting your best St Patrick’s Day jokes now (1 day early), but remember.. Post your jokes as a NEW COMMENT, not as a reply to a previous message

Thank you, and have fun!

Corrected

Should read Please post your joke as a NEW post

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.. A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2023 Super Bowl LVII, both box seats

He paid $11,500 each. It comes with a limo ride to and from the airport, lunch, dinner and $400.00 bar tab. Also a back stage pass to the winners locker room

He didn't realize last year when he bought them that it was going to be on the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place..

It's at Grace Baptist Church, Santa Clarita at 3 pm. Her name is Ashley. She's 5'6", about 125 lbs, and a good cook. She also loves to fish and hunt

She'll be the one in the white dress!

Answer: Rodney Dangerfield

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!"

Winners:

4 of 5 players got the correct answer and have won the profile token

• **YANKEE ROSE*JR FRANK PAB
• fatdaddy
• oldog
• Lorraine of the Renegades

#5 Which famous male comedian said the following joke:

"My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him, “If you don’t mind, I’d like a second opinion.” He said, “All right. You’re ugly too!"

• Don Rickles
• Rodney Dangerfield
• Jerry Seinfeld

Rules:

Please do not post your answer here. Message your answer to Avatar 6453

All correct answers will receive the Valentine’s Day profile token shown above

If you have already won a token on this board, please don't enter any more trivia answers here as you can only win one token per board

This trivia question will be active for at least 4 hours starting from the time of this post

Which famous female comedian said the following joke?

"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made"

• Ellen DeGeneres
• Phyllis Diller
• Joan Rivers ✔️

Can we talk?

Winners:

• jd91
• Big Giant Head
• hoof hearted

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002302130955451.jpg }

Which famous female comedian said the following joke?

"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made"

• Ellen DeGeneres
• Phyllis Diller
• Joan Rivers

Rules:

Please do not post your answer here. Message your answer to Avatar 6453

All correct answers will receive the Valentine’s Day profile token shown above

If you have already won a token on this board, please don't enter any more trivia answers here as you can only win one token per board

This trivia question will be active for at least 4 hours starting from the time of this post

THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED! STAY TUNED FOR MORE CONTESTS!

Okay, thank you. I still retract my answer. I’ll post another trivia question soon

I’ve been politely asked to continue helping out on this board, and I’ve agreed to stay

Therefore, I retract my answer to this post and ladyvic should win the token

How did the squirrel get her Valentine's attention?

"She acted like a nut"

The first players to post a short Valentine's joke on here wins the board Valentine token!

Yes, I had 2 questions going at once.. sorry for the mixup. I’ll post the correct winners to the Recognition Tokens board

#3 - The first Valentine's Day celebration occurred in Paris. What was the year?

A) February 14, 1400✔️

B) February 14, 1600

C) February 14 1800

Winners:

Candy Cane Kaz

squiggy2

I was asked to help out on this board. I think my time is over.. I pass the reins back to monkeytyper

All the best to pepper

The correct answer is B) 220,000

Winners:

RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack

jroyster

Hillbilly

HeartOnFire

Bullets9mm

I don’t know what pepperbeach said, but she can "unchump" me anytime she likes. I have exactly one person on my list and it’s not her

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002302120807351.jpg }

The first Valentine's Day celebration occurred in Paris. What was the year?

A) February 14, 1400

B) February 14, 1623

C) February 14 1801

Rules:

Please do not post your answer here. Message your answer to Avatar 6453

All correct answers will receive the Valentine’s Day profile token shown above

If you have already won a token on this board, please don't enter any more trivia answers here as you can only win one token per board

This trivia question will be active for at least 4 hours starting from the time of this post

According to 1 website the answer is 1 billion

If you type the question "According to Hallmark, how many Valentine's Day cards are exchanged every year?" into your search window, the most common answer is 145 million. Before these discussion board contests began, I searched Valentine’s Day Trivia Questions into my search window and found this website:

https://www.bustle.com/life/valentines-day-trivia-questions-zoom-parties

I used Question #10 and the answer given is 1 billion. A few players have brought the discrepancy to my attention and I agree the answer is most likely 145 million

I’ve decided to close Question #2 early and award the token to the players who’ve responded so far:

RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack

jroyster

Hillbilly

HeartOnFire

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002302120615301.jpg }

According to Hallmark, how many Valentine's Day cards are exchanged every year?

A) 1 million

B) 1 billion

C) 1 trillion

Rules:

Please do not post your answer here. Message your answer to Avatar 6453

All correct answers will receive the Valentine’s Day profile token shown above

If you have already won a token on this board, please don't enter any more trivia answers here as you can only win one token per board

This trivia question will be active for at least 4 hours starting from the time of this post

bestgremlin also submitted the correct answer for this trivia question

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

It’s Elementary

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see"

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe"

"What does it tell you, Holmes? "

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent! "

Who invented the first Valentine's Day candy box?

{ Image: www.goldtoken.com/pics/albums/photo108002302111434301.jpg }

A) Richard Cadbury ✔️

B) Milton Hershey

C) Candace Cane

Winners:

• Jools
• Silkwood
• laura lee
• **YANKEE ROSE*JR FRANK PAB
• squirrel
• monkeytyper
• jroyster
• ladyvic
• Zanda
• csain1
• fatdaddy
• hoot

Cadbury’s is still one of the top sellers in Valentine’s Chocolates around the world

Who invented the first Valentine's Day candy box?

A) Richard Cadbury

B) Milton Hershey

C) Candace Cane

Rules:

Please do not post your answer here. Message your answer to Avatar 6453

All correct answers will receive the Valentine’s Day profile token shown above

This trivia question will be active for at least 4 hours starting from the time of this post

He just can't part with it