Jokes - Good, clean, funny jokes - Hosted by Sundrop kid
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(#5302064) finally voting again
Posted by Sundrop kid on 4 Nov 2021 at 1:47AM
I do apologize for my slowness.
I think this is the last round of entries that I posted for. Please correct me if I am wrong but here are the entries for this round.
Poll will be posted very soon as long as I do not lose my wifi.
joke 1: A 2 year old kid gets into a stack of board games.
And before his parents notice, he has them all open and pieces everywhere. The folks clean up the mess but soon realize that there are pieces missing from the Battleship game.
They rush the kid to the hospital, and sure enough, x-rays show he has swallowed some pieces. The doctor finds an aircraft carrier and two smaller boats in the kids intestines. The doc is especially worried about the carrier, as it is larger and has sharp corners.
The boy is admitted and given medicine to help move things along and spends the night under observation.
The next morning, the doctor enters his room to find a nurse holding a bed pan. The doctor asks "Is that the aircraft carrier?" To which the nurse responds "No, its just two ships that passed in the night."
joke 2 A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
joke 3 a man was watching England playing in the world cup final when he notices an empty seat next to the man in front of him, so he asks the man
"I hope you don't mind me asking, but it's rather unusual to have an empty seat at the world cup final"
"oh the seat was for my wife, but sadly she died last month" the man replied
"I'm very sorry to hear that, but could you not have given the ticket to one of your friends or relatives?"
"oh I did offer, but they are all attending her funeral today"
joke 4 A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Get your own blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
joke 5 Learning Softball
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of her young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little girl nodded with affirmation. "Do you understand that what matters most is whether we play together as a team and put forth our best effort?" The little girl nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "When a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all of that?" Again the little girl nodded. "Good," said the coach, "Now go over there and explain it to your father."
These are the only jokes that I have found for this contest. Please correct me if I am wrong. Otherwise please vote accordingly for your favorite.
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