Jokes - Good, clean, funny jokes - Hosted by Sundrop kid
Please read the Discussion Board Rules before participating in the discussion boards.
Post your funniest joke for a chance to win one of the awesome specialty tokens or an anniversary token.
Come get a little giggle for your jiggle each day and enter to win a profile token. We all need to keep the squirrels smiling! Please post joke as reply, do not start a new thread "Please remember to keep it clean folks."
div>Replies to this message:
(#5252041) (no subject)
Posted by Sundrop kid on 27 Jun 2021 at 5:06AM
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strangely.
We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m sure his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
The boat motor won't start, can’t figure it out!! 🤔🤔🤔
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So, I went to a shrink and told him: “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“$80 dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street and said, “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?”
“Well, at $80 bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”
With a bit of an attitude he said, “Is that so? And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”
The lesson? Always get a second opinion.
And I know that I've probably already posted this one before but I have to post again.
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
Louie and Rose lived in an old folks’ retirement community, he a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another.
As the meal went on, Louie took a few admiring glances at Rose and finally gathered the courage to ask her: “Will you marry me?”
After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered “Yes. Yes, I will.”
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, Louie was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?” He couldn’t remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called Rose. First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”
He was delighted to hear Rose say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”
Then she continued, “I am so glad that you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”
Sorry for any repeats. Life is still crazy for me and I pray that each of you are doing well or at least as well as at all possible. Please try to glorify God daily no matter what life throws at you. I know that I would not ever have a reason to smile and laugh without him in my life.
©2000-2021 GoldToken.com LLC. All rights reserved.