Poll is up for you to vote for your favourite joke.

1.Supermarket trip

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an older lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look like my son, who died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
The clerk replied "Your mother said that you would pay for her."

2. The Spoons

Last night I went to a restaurant and noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
I looked around and saw all the waiters had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came I inquired, "Why do you place the spoon in your pocket?"
He explained, "The boss hired Accenture Consulting to re-engineer our processes. They discovered the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. Approximately 3 spoons per table per hour are dropped. If our staff carry spoons, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare one.
"I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian waiter's zip. Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the same string hanging from their zips. I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, can you tell me why you have that string there?"
Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. Accenture also suggested we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our manhood, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 45%."
I asked quietly, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
He whispered, "Accenture didn't mention that in report, so, We use the spoon "

3. Briefest birthday

My briefest birthday was over in a flash, well, half a minute to be precise. It was my 32nd (thirty second) birthday.

4. Stick drive

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...
They climb up a small branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole forest who knows how to drive a stick?"

3. Hot day thirst

Three pieces of string are walking in town and come upon a saloon. They walk in, up to the bar and the first piece of string asks "Could we have three beers?"
The bartender says "I'm afraid we don't serve string".
Dejected and thirsty they walk to the next saloon, up to the bar and the second piece of string demands "Gimme a beer!"
The bartender barks "We don't serve string" and kicks them out.
Even more dejected now and still thirsty the third piece of string says "I have an idea", ties himself into a knot frays his ends and says "Ok. Lets go".
Into the next saloon they approach the bar and the third piece of string asks for three beers.
"Say, aren't you a piece of string?" asks the bartender.
To which the third piece of string replies "I'm a frayed knot".