Sitting @ docs waiting for them 2 hurt me. They gonna shock my legs & arms again.

Boy I'm missing my family something terrible tonight. Mom dad, brother, sister all dead. :o(

This has been such a hard thing to go through. i finally got all her arrangments made. i did everything she asked me to do. Her body was donated to a body farm here in North Carolina to be studied for forensic science. I'm happy knowing she might solve some murder or even a cold case. That would be cool. I'm gonna miss her.

On April 27 at 9:45 I get a call from my sister's roommate, she found my sister face down dead in her bedroom. She was 58. The investigator said she died from being on too many meds & from being in such bad health. :o(

The other day LavaSoft did a java update on my laptop like it has done numerous times, it finishes & my screen goes black & flashes a bunch of blue words then shuts down, restarts, the screen does the same thing again & it resi , uggg stupid thing now has a virus did that 3 times & I just gave up & shut it down it.

1 stick ( 1/2 cup) butter
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 cup milk
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 quarts whole strawberries, capped and washed
4 ounces cream cheese, cut in small pieces

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Melt butter and pour into a 9-by-13-inch glass baking dish. In a small bowl, mix together the egg, milk, flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Pour directly over the butter in the baking dish, but do not stir.

Add the strawberries, arranging in a single layer as much as possible. Sprinkle cream cheese pieces over strawberries. Place in preheated oven and bake for 45 minutes, or until top is golden brown and edges are bubbling. (Crust rises up and around the fruit, but fruit will still peek out of top.)

Ingredients:

1 box of family size Chocolate Fudge brownie mix
1 (14 oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
1 (14 oz.) bag coconut
1/4 C milk
1 C chocolate chips, melted
1/4 C almonds (or nuts), crushed

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line (regular size, not mini) cupcake pan with paper liners. (Don't skip the paper liners as they make stick).

Make brownies according to package directions and pour batter only half way up the liners.

Bake in preheated oven for 12 minutes. While they are baking, mix the coconut, sweetened condensed milk and milk together.

Remove brownies from oven and spoon on some sweetened coconut.

Place bake in oven and continue to bake an additional 14-16 minutes.

Remove from oven and allow to cool completely before removing the paper liners. Drizzle on the chocolate then sprinkle on the almonds.

My blood pressure was low while I was in the ICU & ever since I got out. I called my doctor & asked if I could be taken off my high blood pressure meds til I saw him today. That was only two days before my appointment. When I was diagnosed with high blood pressure I weighed 240 pounds I now weigh 197 I asked my doctor if it was possible because I've lost so much weight if I don't have high blood pressure any more & the blood pressure meds are making my blood pressure go too low. Because I've been off the meds for two days my blood pressure was normal today & the doctor agreed with me that I might not have it anymore. He is keeping me off my meds til this friday & I'm to take my blood pressure daily & let him know the results. I've have felt so very drained so he also took me off two more meds to see if that helps. Keeping my fingers crossed. I'm really getting tired of feeling like this. I've been sick this whole month.

My boyfriends grandmother who has been like a grandmother to me, I really didn't have a grandmother growing up, passed away this morning. She had cancer, the doctors gave her chemo, then they said they couldn't do anything else for her & sent her home to die. The doctors were surprised she lived as long as she did. We just found out that the chemo actually made the cancer worse.

Just got home after spending two days in the Intensive Care Unit. We thought I had a seizure, I almost fell out in the floor, my boyfriend caught me, I couldn't respond, when I could respond I refused to let him call 911 it took him 20 minutes to talk me into going to the ER. But luckily it wasn't a seizure I was just dehydrated, I haven't been eating right & on too many medications. I'm glad he was there to take care of me.

It's been awhile so I thought I'd post an update. My youngest son just turned 21. I took him to Sagebrush to drink for his birthday, it cost $90 for 5 people. I didn't think it would be that much but it was worth it we all had a very good time altho my son got drunk lol I recently had an endoscopy & biopsy to see if that was causing my nausea & messing with my vocal cords, everything was normal, the doctor thinks the nausea is from the tumor. I also finally had a brain MRI done, haven't been to the doctors to get the results yet but I have seen the images and I've compared them to the last images and to me it seems like the tumor has gotten bigger but IDK I'm not a doctor so gotta wait and see. My ears have been bothering me a lot lately and I wonder if it is coming from the tumor too. First they started ringing then filling with fluid then hurting now I can feel my heartbeat in my right ear at times. Well I can't think of anything else to say. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Since I got my medicaid back I've been a good girl & taking my meds. right which the side affects have been making me pretty sick but they will wear off soon I hope. Been swamped with doctor appointments. My sugar is doing good. I'm losing weight. I'm not so great mentally though. I'm so thankful to have my medicaid back & to be able to go to the docs but I'm already tired of going. I went last week & had to get shots in both hands for my carpal tunnel, that hurt, then yesterday I had to go get a mammogram & the stupid woman jerked my breasts onto the machine so hard she ripped both of my breast, under them, away from my body so I came home hurting & bleeding & today I have to go get shocked to check my neuropothy in my legs and arms & that's gonna hurt. :o(

I should have known I couldn't have a joyous thanksgiving. My boyfriends grandmother has ovarian cancer, she went to the doctors today they told her she can't survive the surgery and they aren't going to give her anymore chemo. My boyfriend isn't taking it very well. :o(

I got up today & there was a message from my advocate saying he was just calling me to congradulate me on winning my disability case!!! I'm so happy & I'm in shock I was exspecting the judge to take 3 months but it hasn't even been a month yet. I'll get my back pay in installmeñts which they didn't use to do & my advocate gets 25% of whatever I get. He said I will get my first check in Jan. or Feb. but my Medicaid will start before that. I told all this to my youngest son & I told him now I'll be able to go to the doctors & get a brain scan to see what my tumor is doing (it's been almost 2 years since I had one) & now he's worried about that not that he & all of us haven't been worried about it we've just tried not to think about it. I've told him all this time no sense in worrying about it if we can't do anything about it that we just had to pray and put it in God's hands. I got good news yesterday too. I invited my oldest son to thanksgiving, it will be the first one we have spent together in over 5 & 1/2 years cause of his now x girlfriend not only that but I found out from him that he will have his 3 kids that day so now I'll get to see my grandbabies who I haven't seen in 3 years. I don't know what I did for God to bless me soo much this thanksgiving but I'm so grateful!! Only one thing would make this the perfect thanksgiving if my oldest grandson's mom told me she was moving back here. It's been a year now since they moved to tx. I miss him dearly & think of him daily. I know the next time I see him he is going to scream granny dawn & come running & jump on me & I know at that moment I won't want to ever let him go again. Last time I saw him I had him for the weekend had I known then it would be the last time I would see him for a long time I would have asked for him to stay a couple of more days which he wanted to stay but he had school that Monday. Maybe since I will have this extra money I can rent a car & drive to tx to see him.

I hope everyone has a blessed thanksgiving!!! I love you all.

I'm 44 today!!

Not sure what to do. I'm coughing up blood this morning, can't decide if I should go to the walk-in clinic in the morning or not. Any thoughts on this??? :o(

After waiting over a year they finally set the date, I went Oct. 23. I guess it went good. The judge didn't say I didn't get it but he also didn't say I did. He just said it looks like I have a very good case and they will review it and get back to me, which could take up to 90 days or so. My advocate seemed very happy with how things went, he had a huge smile on his face when we walked out. Guess I'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed & keep praying about it til I hear a yes or no.

I have only taken my medication one week in the past 3 months and that was 3 months ago so when I went to the doctors I expected the worse. First they weighed me. I've lost 8 more lbs. Then they took my temp, it was normal. Then they pricked my finger to check my sugar & do my major sugar test, I didn't even want to look but it was only 182. They took my blood pressure next, I had gotten into an argument with my son on the way to the doctors so I knew it would be sky high but it was only 118/73, my pulse was 80 something. Then they came back with the results of my major sugar test and it had dropped from 11.8 to 8.6. When I was first diagnosed with diabetes (over 2 years ago) it was really high and I was set on a high dose and it was never lowered but after this visit my doctor lowered my dose. I told my doctor about my left foot & leg up to right below my knee being numb yet overly sensitive (I walked across the road barefoot the other day & I couldn't feel the rocks or dirt on my left foot but it felt like I was walking on broken glass it hurt so bad), he agreed with me that it's the neuropathy getting worse. I told him how much stress I'm under right now, my boyfriend & I live with his mother & her parents. His mother is like a zombie (She had some kind of brain damaging illness when she was younger), she just sits in a chair all day watching tv, she pisses on herself, she stinks most of the time when she uses the bathroom she leaves a mess on the toilet seat and NEVER cleans it up, she doesn't do ANYTHING to help out at all. My bf's grandmother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and is going through chemo and a month after her diagnoses her husband, my bf's grandfather had a stroke & here I am sick all the time and having this tumor my bf is under a lot of stress taking care of all of us & his stress causes us to fight which causes me even more stress. He already knew about the stress my son puts on me from him having ADHD. I told him about my right jaw hurting & popping & my right ear ringing then I told him how I went a month feeling like I had to clear my throat all the time and how now when I try to get my voice to a certain pitch it just cracks & stops, he said I might have polyps on my vocal cords and that I REALLY NEED TO GET MY MEDICAID BACK! Like I don't already know that. I told him about my Oct. 23rd date to see the judge about my disability and that my advocate wanted him to write a letter saying I can't work for the next 12 months. He said he would do it but we'll see, I have a feeling I'm gonna have to call & remind them about it. The visit was $225.00 if I made payments but because I saved up & paid cash it was only $189.00 then I had to dish out $80 more on just 3 prescriptions, I'm still waiting on a $12 script to be called in. I'm gonna hate it when I have to fill all my scripts at once it'll probably cost me close to $200.

2/3 cup Evaporated Milk
1 & 2/3 cups Sugar
2 Tablespoons Butter
2 Cups Mini Marshmallows
2 Cups Chocolate Chips
1 Teaspoon Vanilla
1/2 to 1 cups nuts (optional)

In a med. sized sauce pan over med. heat add your Evaporated Milk, Sugar & Butter. Stirring constantly, heat until it comes to a rolling boil (a rolling boil is when it still boils while it's being stirred), while stirring constantly boil for 4 minutes then remove from heat. Add your chips and vanilla stir until smooth. If you want smooth and creamy fudge add your marshmallows and stir until smooth but if you want a more mellowy fudge add your marshamallows but don't let them melt all the way, when your fudge is the consistancy you want you can now stir in your nuts. Pour into an 8x8 square pan lined with foil that has been lightly sprayed with cooking spray. Chill in the fridge until it's set, time varies. Take out of fridge and grab the foil and pull out the fudge, the foil should pull away from the fudge easily. Slice your fudge and store between sheets of wax paper in fridge to keep it from getting soft

Even the kids can help make these.

Turn your muffin pan upside down

Lightly spray with non-stick cooking spray

Place a cookie dough ball on top and press down lightly and press down lightly all around it

Bake as directed.

When it’s finished baking set aside and let cool completely, you will have little bowls for ice cream or other little yummy treats!

INGREDIENTS:
Unsalted butter, softened
One 12-ounce package semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup butterscotch chips
One 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk (save the can)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
One 8-ounce can walnuts, plus more for topping
½ cup raisins or dried currants (a couple of handfuls)
Candied red and green cherries (optional)

DIRECTIONS:
1. Grease an 8-inch round cake pan with softened butter. Pour the chocolate and butterscotch chips, condensed milk and vanilla into a medium saucepan. Put the pan on the stove and turn the heat to low.

2. Cover the empty condensed-milk can with plastic wrap and put it in the center of the round cake pan.

3. Stir the chips and milk until they melt together, about 3 minutes. move the pan off the stove. Place the pan on a pot holder so it does not burn the kitchen counter. Stir in the nuts and raisins. Scoop the fudge into the cake pan all around the plastic-covered can in the center to form a wreath or ring shape. Let it be all bumpy and funky on top. Keep pushing the can back to the center if the fudge moves it away from there. Cut the red cherries in half with scissors and the green cherries into quarters. Use the green pieces to make leaves and the red to make holly berries. Decorate the fudge with several groups of holly berry sprigs made from the cherries and garnish with walnuts between the sprigs. (The fudge looks good left plain, too!)

4. Put the fudge in the fridge and chill until firm. Remove the can from the center, then loosen the sides and bottom of the fudge with a spatula. Cut the fudge into thin slices to serve.

fudge

3 1/3 cups sugar
1 cup butter or margarine
1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
1 can (12 ounces) evaporated milk
32 large marshmallows, halved
2 cups (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips
2 milk chocolate candy bars (7 ounces each), broken into pieces
2 squares (1 ounce each) semisweet baking chocolate, chopped
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups chopped pecans

How to make it

1 Grease a 15 x 10 x 1-inch baking pan.

2 In a large saucepan over moderate heat, combine the sugar, butter or margarine, brown sugar, and evaporated milk. Cook, stirring, until the sugar has completely dissolved. Increase the heat to high and bring the mixture to a boil; boil for 5 minutes, stirring constantly.

3 Remove the saucepan from the heat and add the marshmallows, stirring until they are melted. Add the chocolate chips and pieces and stir until they are melted. Fold in the vanilla and pecans until the mixture is well blended.

4 Pour the mixture into the prepared baking pan, spreading it evenly. Place the baking pan in the refrigerator and chill the fudge until it is firm. Using a sharp knife, cut the fudge into squares

After waiting a little over a year I finally got a letter saying I go before the judge about my disability on Oct. 23rd. I'm both excited & scared. I have heard of people having to go before the judge a few times before they got their disability. I hope it's not gonna be like that for me. I don't have a lawyer but I do have an advocate. I think if they turn me down this time I'll have to wait another year to see the judge again. I'm just gonna worry about it until I go.

I'm like a blubbering baby here right now. My hamster died today. He was very, very smart so we named him Maxwell Smart, Maxy for short. He was a black bear hamster. We've had for a little over a year. He got wet tail, then constipation from the antibiotics, then he had a prolapsed rectum. Poor baby even to the end he was such a tough little guy. He will be missed. We love you Maxy rest in peace my little baby.

OMG! I hurt sooo bad today and I'm so tired of hurting all the time, if it's not one thing hurting it's something else. I pulled a major muscle in my back & neck new years eve & it's been bothering me off & on ever since. I'm out of pain meds & my doc won't let me have any more until I go back to see him and I don't have the money to do that right now. grrrrrrrrrr

Supplies for Sandpaper Prints

good quality crayons, a t-shirt, iron and fine sand paper. The more coarse sandpaper will provide more texture. Give them all a try!

Color a fun design on the sandpaper. Remind children that the image will be reversed. Once the design is colored go back over the design giving the sandpaper an extra thick layer of crayon.


Place a piece of cardboard inside the t-shirt to keep the design from bleeding through to the back of the shirt. Position the sandpaper right side down on the t-shirt.

Place a piece of parchment paper or paper towel on top of the sandpaper to protect the iron. Iron, on cotton setting, the sandpaper for about 30 second.

makes 4

Think of your favorite pizza and get those ingredients

I used...
1 Tbs. Dehydrated Onions for a double batch so 1/2 Tbs. for a single batch or a real onion to taste

Pepperoni slices cut into quarters (they mix better cut than just using the slices) I can't say for sure how many I used just make sure they are throughout your mix

Hormel Pizza Toppings Real Crumbled Bacon (which made it a little more salty)

No I did not combine those 2 meats, I made 2 batches, 4 bacon & 4 pepperoni

1 Large Green pepper for my double batch so 1 Sm - Med green pepper for a single or to taste

1 Large jar of sliced mushrooms (I used half in 1 bowl & half in the other)

+ u need..
1 can pillsbury refridgerated classic pizza dough (I used 2 cans)
1 jar Ragu Homestyle Pizza Sauce (1 jar made 2 batches for me)
2 Cps. finely shredded mozzarella cheese or your choice (I used 4 Cps of a 4 white cheese blend)

You also need...
1 med. size mixing bowl for single or lrg. bowl for a double (I had 2 flavors so I used 2 bowls)
Cooking spray (I used Olive Oil Flavor)
A sharp knife
pizza cutter
I used a fork to mix my toppings
a cookie sheet or 2 for a double batch

Preheat oven to 425

1. If you chose Dehydrated Onions, measure them into a small glass container add 1 Tbs for a double batch or 1/2 Tbs for a single batch of hot water, set aside or chop your onion to taste.
2. Chop your green pepper to taste (I used finely chopped in 1 batch & finely chopped mixed with some cut up about a half inch in the other batch) put into mixing bowl.
3. Add your mushrooms and mix well
4. Add your meat mix well (again making sure it's throughout)
5. Add any other ingredients 1 by 1 mixing well after each
6. Add about 1 1/2 Cps cheese mix well
then add your onions, If you chose Dehydrated Onions with your fork fluff up the onions and with a spoon sprinkle them on top of your mix, mix well (I used a little under half of the onions in 1 bowl & a little over half in the other)
set aside
7. Lightly spray your cookie sheet or sheets with cooking spray. You can only make 4 on 1 cookie sheet. Open your can of pizza crust and let it fall on the middle of your cookie sheet now carefully pull it apart and spread it evenly out on your cookie sheet to make a big rectangle now take your pizza cutter and slice it down the middle, turn your cookie sheet and slice down the middle again to make 4 rectangles, take a knife & cut where the pizza cutter didn't cut it.
8. Spread about 2 or so Tbs. for extra sauce, 1 or so Tbs. for light sauce, on your crust leaving about 1/4" around edges for sealing later.
9. Use a Tbs. to put your topping mix on half of the rectangles (leaving about 1/4" around edges for sealing later). You are using all your toppings on 4 so try to make it as equal as possible but I didn't cut mine equally, 2 were bigger & 2 were smaller rectangles, I was able to pile on about a 1/2" toppings or more on each.
10. Bake for 12 minutes (I did a double batch so I used 2 racks & it took about 5 or more minutes, I cooked them half the time then switched racks and cooked them the other half) or until golden brown, remove from oven, let them cool for about 5 minutes then flip them over & check the bottom, the extra sauce ones might still be a little soggy on the bottom so if they are put them back in upside down for about 5 more minutes checking them ever so often to make sure they don't burn. Flip them back over & let cool for about 5 - 10 minutes & enjoy! Any questions, just ask. :o)

1 envelope Onion Soup Mix (I use Lipton's)
2 Lbs. Ground beef
1 1/2 cups plain bread crumbs (I use the cheapest)
2 Eggs
1 Small green pepper chopped
1/4 cup Water
1 cup Ragu Pizza Quick pizza sauce
1 cup Shredded Mozzarella cheese (I like extra cheese so I use 4 cups)

Preheat oven to 350

1. In large bowl mix everything except 1/2 cup pizza sauce & 1/2 cup cheese (I keep about a cup of cheese)
2. In 13x9 inch baking dish or roasting pan shape into loaf (I don't like to use a pan so I put mine on a rack with a foil lined cookie sheet under it), top with remaining 1/2 cup sauce. Bake uncovered 50 mins.
3. Sprinkle top with remaining cheese. Bake 10 minutes or until done. Let stand 10 minutes and enjoy

I've also added 1 jar of mushrooms to this once and that was good too

I've been a GoldToken member since July 17 2001!

It's been a while since I last wrote anything here so I thought I'd give you an update. Let's see, the state took my medicaid away from me. It's been over a year & 8 or 9 months since my last brain scan. At my last scan my doctor said if you take a green pea and squash it, that's the size of my tumor. My dizzy spells aren't as bad as they used to be, they come & go. I can actually walk most of the time without needing someone to hold my hand. I still get a lot of headaches. It has affected my memory pretty bad and sometimes I have a hard time communicating, it's hard to get my thoughts out sometimes or I'll think what to say but when I say it I'll say it wrong. Sometimes I have trouble comprehending what people are saying to me and it takes me a couple of minutes to think about what they said before I understand it. The hardest thing is the not knowing, not knowing when I'll be able to go back to the doctors & the not knowing what the tumor is doing. The not knowing is hardest on my youngest son. He's a worry wart type, always worried about something. I try not to think about it but that's not always easy. It's been over a year since I applied for disability but they keep turning me down, I have to go before an administrative judge, I've been waiting on a letter that says when I can see the judge for almost a year now. There was a two year waiting list when I first applied but since our economy got so bad even more people have applied. I don't have a lawyer but I do have an advocate who gets 25% of my first check. My advocate told me I might get to see the judge this month. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I haven't seen my grandsons in 4 or 5 months :o( Their mom moved from NC where I live to TX & I have no clue when I'll get to see them again which really makes me sad. The day I found out they weren't coming back I had a fight with my boyfriend right before & I started smoking cigarettes again, I had stopped for a year & 9 months, thanks to Chantix which I just got some more from a friend so I'm hoping to stop again. Even with the Chantix it took me 6 weeks to quit last time so maybe I can do better this time, I hope anyway but as long as I quit that's all that matters. I really can't afford to smoke. My neuropathy has gotten worse, from my toes to 2" below my left knee is numb now but yet it's overly sensitive. On new years eve I sneezed and pulled a major muscle that runs down my neck, down my arm & back into my leg. I was down with it for almost 2 months. I told my niece that & she says "You know you're getting old when you sneeze and pull a major muscle!" lol Then I got some kind of freak infection in the gland under my right jaw, I actually dished out Well I think I've bored you long enough. I'm gonna post some recipes & craft ideas I've shared on here too.

I felt my first earthquake today. It hit in Virginia it was either 5.8 or 5.9 but it was felt all over the east coast and all the way into Canada. We were sitting watching tv when the house started to shake, I thought someone was doing laundry and the washing machine was off center and shaking the house. It only shook for a minute or less. That was crazy, like nothing I'd ever felt before.

What they saw on my mammogram turned out to be just a gland but they want me to have another one in 6 months to make sure. They did however find something on my brain MRI, I have a brain tumor, it's not cancer but it's causing me to have real bad dizzy spells, they can't remove it because of where it's located, right now they aren't doing anything about it, they want me to wait 6 moths & have another MRI.

And they found something in my right breast :o( I have to go for more tests.

Went for a stress test today, it took 4 hours, I hope I never have to do that again, first I felt like I couldn't breathe then my chest started to hurt then my head felt all swimmy :o( I won't get the results til next week

Everyone has been so nice

Everyone has been so nice