When I look into a mirror
what do I see
I see an old woman looking back at me

If i look deeper I can see a child

This child has blue eyes that carry sorrow
You see a blonde curly blue eye girl who smiles
Yet I can look behind the smile
And know the abuse by an uncle that never should of been
Fast forward a few years
I see young teenagers in love and planning a wedding
Then I see that same teenager broken heart and crying
The marriage was never to be
Then I see a young lady who got married
To find out the man she married was abusive
A young married woman who was made to sit in a hot car during summer moths
and bitter cold in the winter months wasnt allowed to stay at home
A few years later a mom of four babies who made her world
She had a rough life while babies were young
Yet she was able to keep them from harm
Three marriages they all taught her hard lessons
I dont see a woman who actually feels like she was ever loved
Now I see an old lady looking back at me wonderful
Why happiness she did not find

Saturday Night
Last night I was held at gunpoint for hours.
Sitting on a kitchen chair,wondering if I was taking my last breath.
The words coming out of the mouth of the person who says he loves me
My head was pounded against the kitchen floor over and over.
As he hands tighten against my throat .
Still trying to breath and hold on a little longer.
He will pass out soon.
What did I do wrong this time I wonder.
The house is clean,laundry done and supper is on the stove.
I must of did something wrong or said something wrong.
I just dont recall.
I made thru another night.
I have knots on back of head and marks around my throat, my eyes are discolored as well.
He is leaving now
So I will put some makeup on and a high top shirt that covers the marks on my throat.
He is backing handing me flowers and candy and saying he sorry.
He will never do it again I love you sweetheart. I cant live without you..
I just wonder if I will make it thru next Saturday.
Mary Maxwell Sassy-Angel 3/23

#30 little but mighty
Posted by * Sassy_Angel * on 14 Feb 2023 at 8:39AM
You were only 4' 7" tall at full height at your young age.
As you aged your back became bent and at your passing you were 3' 4"..
I can remember all your grandchildren measuring up to you
We were all as tall as you by the age of 7-8 years old
We thought we were grown.
You were so tiny, but so mighty.
Oh what a lady.
You had a temper of a momma lioness when her cubs are in danger.
You lifted your voice in prayer and oh how tall you were on you knees
talking to Jesus
You became 10' tall.
You wrote songs and poems.
Your voice would sound shaky .
At your funeral a song you wrote was played
in your shaky voice singing Don't Weep for Me
As I listened to you singing at your own funeral
I felt as if I was so small like a baby
Love can never be measure in height, but in LOVE so you are so mighty in it my life

I heard you call my name today in prayer.
I heard you speak to me with love today.
Yet I wasnt really there.
My mind is in a fog.
My life is a mess.
My body craves the drug and I answered the call.
I hate the weakness I have .
I have quit a hundred times, but I am weak.
Please understand Im not the person I want to be.
Dont give up on me.
Dont hate me, hate the drug.
I will always love you.
Im here in body, but my mind is in a fog.
Just keep loving me and praying.

Two snow white turtle doves I gave my love on Christmas day
As we soar in this life together. our love will withstand troubles,sorrows and even death.
Our love will always shine bright and stay as hot as the sun above.
As a dove found land after the flood. We will withstand all life throws our way.
So two snow white turtle doves for you my love.To remind me I love you above all else.
Our love will carry us to worlds unknown and back. Two turtle doves I give to you this Christmas day

Rebels we became here at Goldtoken. Remembering 21 years ago we met at IYT and moved to GoldToken.

Every day, every year our friendship grew from playing online games. Who would have guessed

Believing in each other and giving respect and caring about what happens in each others lives.

Every day since Sept 2022 when you went off line, saying send some game invites.. To never seeing your name again on my game sheet

Love you sweet lady, miss you more than you can know

Donna Jean my Rebel friend.. I fear your life has ended here on earth. Never being able to say GOODBYE and I love you friend.
Just know I miss you and oh how I wish I could of said goodbye.. Just know you will always be in my heart.. Till we meet again at Heaven's Gate

-- Reply -- Edit Votes: 0

Little history lesson:
Walls of JERICHO
they were immense
they wrapped around the city
two circles of stone forty feet above
Impenetrable
The inhabitants were ferocious and barbaric
These people sacrificed their own children for their god
Joshua showed up
with his army
What you need to know
He didnt bring down the walls
Soldiers never swung a hammer
they never rammed a door
never even removed a loose stone
God did it:
God will do this for you.
We maybe the instruments
God uses to pray and lead the way against
#AndonsBlessings #kevinscomfortcorner #stoppinggunviolence
#HelpingDrugAddiction
Remember this we are here because God placed us here,
God will use us to promote the causes
but never doubt God is the one who is in charge

Causes
Today I wear the color purple
The color purple is for drug awareness
I hate this color with a passion.
You see I have a son who is an addict,and has been for over 20 years..
Today he is two years clean, but still an addict.
Broken homes, broken hearts, broken lives and death.
This will be a daily battle he fights for the rest of his life, the drugs call to you daily..Thankful he hasnt answered...



Today I wear the color orange
Orange is the color to fight gun violence
I hate this color as well, because its just nothing hate of others
If you listen to the news or read a newspaper, you will see how many happen everyday
No respect for others, not caring for human life
#GlovesUpGunsDown , #Andon'sBlessing
So lets put those gloves up and guns down and save lives.. Even one less murder is one family kept whole

number 26 My Life
Posted by * Sassy_Angel * on 20 Jul 2022 at 9:33AM
Dear Diary
December 31, 1949
Yeah today I turned ONE.. I had a party, with cake and ice cream and loads of gifts. I got a large china piggy bank with very colorful circles and red ribbon.. But no money in the bank. My parents, my grandparents and uncle and aunts all came.. I am an only child for now.. Well I think its nap time I tried after the party.



December 31,2021
Today was a different birthday, no party, no gifts, no cake or ice cream. My parents, my grandparents and aunts and uncle have all passed on .. I do still have the piggy bank,still no money in it .. I am sad that no one called,came by .. I know birthday parties are for children, but you know I just wish that family cared enough to give me a 73rd birthday party.. Who knows if I will make another one.. My birthday wishes came on my facebook time line.. Getting older isnt what its made up to be , when birthday are a day of happiness but you only feel sad.

Heaven's a breath away contest 25 picture 13
Posted by * Sassy_Angel * on 7 Jun 2022 at 4:16PM

To start my name is Levi and Im holding my little brother Saul..

We are alone in the world now.. Everything and everyone we love was bombed.
For weeks I have tried so hard to protect and care for Saul and myself.. Saul is fading fast and Im just behind him holding Saul in my arms.
Heaven's a breath away..
So Angel of Death wrap both in your arms, carry us home.As we close our eyes and take our last breath.
Take us to our family to be reunited with love, no more pain.
We dont fear death now
So we close our eyes and take our last breath together Saul and I
Heaven's just a breath away.

2103
Posted by * Sassy_Angel * on 3 May 2022 at 11:18AM
Hello
I know you dont know me,please dont hang up
I really hope you understand
You see this was my momma's phone number
Today I just felt I had to call this number
Maybe you have had this number for 3 years now
She passed away 3 years ago
Thank you for being so kind
I just wanted to say hi, its me momma
I miss calling her everyday
Today I just needed to hear someone answer this number
You say I'm welcome to call this number anytime
That is so kind and Im glad to know that today you needed to hear someone voice
They dont have phone calls in Heaven
I love and miss you momma
Bless you for answering have a good day
If you ever need to talk my number is on your phone now
Im Mary by the

Dont weep for me (song)
Posted by * Sassy_Angel * on 23 Mar 2022 at 9:16AM

Dont weep for me
Im in a better place
Heaven is my home

You may not see me
You may not feel me
Look into your heart
Im always there

Dont weep for me
Im in a better place
Heaven is my home

Someday soon I will welcome you
I will be at the Golden gate
with arms wide open on that day

Dont weep for me
Im in better place
Heaven is my home

Posted by * Sassy_Angel * on 31 Jan 2022 at 11:36AM
I can not just hit a kill switch
I can not just turn off family and friends
who I have lost.
I can not just turn off the pain
I can not just turn all the memories
I still can remember being sexually abused
as a child
I can still remember the threats of hurting my family if I told
I didnt tell for over 35 years after the abuser was dead..
I can still hear my ex husband accuse me of cheating
I can still see the gun point at me..
I can still the feel the lost of my grand parents and my parents and so many others
Time might dull the pain
But thoughts throw them up so many times
When you hear a song, or smell a smell that reminds you of them
I cant even think of a lost of a child
But than again I have watched my son abuse drugs
I waited for a knock on the door or a phone call
Now he is working on that
But the switch is still there.
There is no kill switch for pain and loss
If only we could flip a switch on the pain
but keep the good memories

Our love wasnt enough

today you walked to the store a block away
to pick up eggs and sugar for me
you didnt come home
instead police officers knocked on my door
they tell me you were dead and wouldnt be home again
another young man shot you
why i asked
I was told because the young man said it made him feel powerful
Stop the hate,killing is not power

I talked to you last night
I knew you were feeling down, I tried to understand
I didnt know how to help
Than today I get word
you took your life
I didnt know your pain and the darkness was more than you could handle
Now I will never heard your voice again
I failed you
Now your gone forever

Drugs kill
For 10 years you have been clean
I didnt understand the draw of the high you craved
Last night the high called you again
You placed a needle in your arm
After awhile you went to sleep, never to wake up
A love one found you on Christmas Day

So many young lives taken from us
We will never know what could of been
We mourn you and the pain we feel will last a lifetime
We will always wonder why our LOVE was never enough

Dark is my life,
as black as can be.
I have been in a hole
and see no light.
When life keeps you in the darkness
so long you heart only see black
Being homeless and helpless
and just holding on
This year has land in a black space
everytime I try to crawl out
I get sucked back into totally darkness
blackness is so dark and hopeless
I have dealt with more than last 7 months
than in my 72 years..
I thought death of my mom 3 years ago
was a darkness, but there was hope for a brighter day
Now I cant seem to see any light
just a black hole of totally darkness.
I get up everyday only
to wonder will this be the last day.
So as this year comes closer
to an end..
I look for any sign that
darkness will go away
that blackness will fade

Into the dark I travel..
Into a dark long tunnel
Not knowing how far I must travel.
I can not see the first break of dawn
Or, the last light of twilight before night.
All I can see now is the long
dark tunnel I must travel.
Dark and alone,
Not knowing if I will ever see the light
As the days and nights
all seem so long and never ending.
Wishing for a ray of light.
Knowing now I must face the darkest
of the tunnel and press onward and forward
Looking for the light.
Could be awhile
before I feel whole again
Someday I will see the light
looks back at the darkest
and know I made it out once again

In over 20 years I have played games with many here at GoldToken.. I have a very dear friend on here that going thru a very tough time.. She is in my thoughts and prayers and even that we live 1000s miles away and never met in person.. We have shared many rough times with each other.. When her mom passed away, when my dad,grandma and my mom years later. I knew she would always be here to listen and carry my hurt in her heart and now I am carrying her pain in my heart.. I love her as a sister .. Know Donna that I hurt in my heart right now as I know you are hurting, sending prayers, love and hugs

R.I.P. to a dear friend so sorry I couldnt be there in person when you left the world today but was there in heart. Love you and miss you. I now have another ANGEL watching over me. Clarence Duran

9/11

On this day we can remember the horror we saw with our eyes the terror we felted in our hearts on that day.

The many lives lost of men, women and children. others who were willing to give their lives that saved lives of others who they didn't know.

That day as a Nation we mourned for people we didn't know, We drew closer and we prayed as a Nation. One Nation under God was real that day.

Since that day many others tragedies have shocked our Nation and our hearts and minds. We also know there will be more in the future. Evil is out there everyday and anywhere.

So when you start to judge someone because of their believes, looks, color of skin or what they have. We need to stop and take a look into their hearts.

We need to take time everyday to pray for our servicemen and women, the leaders of our country and our nation. Not judge them as they are humans therefore make mistakes, we all do, but we have a Higher power that loves us.

Pray for our Nation, leaders and yourself. Open up your hearts to truth, honor, respect and love for yourself and others. We can become stronger when we pulled together .One Nation under God with Love... Mary Maxwell

I had this done on March 2nd-2010. On April 14th I go back for my frist visit and hopefully I am doing good.I havent had any problems so far,so will see how it goes after frist adjustment.I am hoping on losing a total of 100 pounds within the next year.okay now two years out and ive losted a total of 178 pounds and have kept it off was at a stand still for about a year,but have losted 55 pounds in last 6 months.i would like to lose about 45 more

I have been waiting a laptop or pc for along while now and was able to get a great deal on a laptop for 130.00 so now i dont have to share with everyone who sharew the pc here and i can be on as long as i want and do what i want.THANKS LORD.

The new year will be upon us soon.I really hope in 2010 that everyone recieves health care and just maybe can learn to give alittle and get along better.The whole world needs LOVE

Jesus Family
Posted by * Sassy_Angel * on 12 Apr at 1:12PM
Joseph
I was given the great honor of being Jesus ,earthly father
I taught Him to be a man
How to be a carpenter of wood
He was to be a carpenter of men


Mary
I was Jesus,Mother
I gave Him,love,respect and all a Mother can give
I knew He was only on loan to me
I followed from birth to death
I wepted

God
I was and Am His Heavenly Father
I gave to loving parents
I gave Him to the world
Some gave Him thier all
Others gave Him,hate,beating and finally death
I took Him back to Heaven
Now He awaits for you to join Hi

This year with the world in so much downfall,I wish everyone a great holiday season with family and friends.If the world would understand that by caring,loving and sharing with others you can be rich in peace,joy and love

7 years have passed and still you are in our thoughts and your families are in our prayers.So many counties losted people that day,for the glory of one main man,if you can call him that.Still he runs free and plans to make more pain and suffering to many more.Only when he is no longer on this earth will we feel safer.I know we make never see justice here in this world,but someday he will be judge and that he will get what he deserves.God Bless the families and Thank you thoses who lost thier lives that we are now a stronger nation ,because so many were willing to lose thie lives to save others,thats what this world is about being willing to give more of yourself that is asked of you in times of sorrow.

I really dont know what has happen to you.I have emailed you and send a letter,but still nothing.i want you to know THAT you are MISSED and LOVED.We just wished that we knew what is keeping you away and not being able to let us know.We do hope you hurry back and hope we hear from you so very soon.Rebel DJ and myself are both worried sick about you.Know that we really do miss you and LOVE you

When The Call Came In
Posted by * Sassy_Angel * on 19 May at 7:33PM

By dawn's early light or the midnight hour

The rain,snow or sun beating down
you always answer the call
Never knowing what the call would be
A cat in a tree or a child that needed comforted
Never failing to go in a house to save a life
even if it meant your own death
No one could ever tell you,what you have meant in thier life.
Thank you seems so small
But,to see the smiles thru the tears speak louder than words
So now the time for your reward is near.
i just want you to know that I know you will always be on call for us.
Thank you for answering the call when it came in.

Barry,you were so much than a cousin,you were my best friend.I am so sorry to lose you now,but know that you are now keeping company with other family members in Heaven.Love you forever Mary Alice

this is for my cousin who was a fireman for his whole life,but who now faces death in the very near future due to cancer. THANK YOU BARRY SMITH

today has been busy,i babysitted for 5 grand kids,served lunch to 15 tenats in the apt building than after hours I take care of building of 100 units.of coarse i have to take time for GT so I can remain sane lol

today was election day for mayor and for the frist time since 1953 a dem wasnt elected.but a repb was by alot of dem. changing over,because no one want the dem. to get office again.yes i was one of the dem. to change over

I am wondering how we can get a prize for Nov ,when 5 days have already pass on this contest.
I am proably the only one on GT that has put up thier Christmas Tree already lol
Today,i went shopping and than back home watched 5 kids and after they left watched the building I live in,as Im after hours caretaker.

I just have to let you know about some very wonderful people I have met over the last 7 years.Frist person I really got to know was REBEL DJ ,she has been a great friend and has helped me so many times,When I have been so down and lonely she has always been there to listen or call me,when I didnt have a phone oe internet service for awhile she would call my mom to see how I was doing.I want to thank you lady for being such a great lady.Handyman was also one of the frist players I met and he has been a wonderful friend,I cant tell you how many times I have given him a name and he has purchase a membership for total strangers.I have missed him so much the last couple months .I will be so gald when he is back online,thanks for trusting me with your club.I also met a couple of players here in person Abaitha being one,she brought me a PC at one time and two frogs that set in my livingroom to this day.I would so love to see her again.Thannks lady for all you do to help in club and being a great friend.Also I met Chef Jeff and his family when they invited me to visit,I enjoyed my easter hoilday,so very much.I pray Jeff that you will come back here and chat with me.There are others who have been there and been so special,Hammer I still thank you for helping me so long ago,you will never know what it meant to me.God does send ANGELS to us and you were mine.Thanks GOD BLESS YOU

My name is Mary,Im 58 years old for a couple more months lol,until New Years Eve.I am mother of 2 boys ages now 37 and 34 and 2 daughters ages 35-33.I am grandma to 15 grandkids who are my world,ranging from 17 years old to 3 years.I live in an apt building where there are 100 units,I take care of building after the office closes everyday,weekends and holidays.I also serve lunches here,do the secret pal club and do a pitch in dinner every month.I also do Bingo and help set up day trips for tenants here.So,I keep pretty busy,I babysit 6 days a week for 3 grandkids after school.I am single and have been for over 7 years now,Im looking for a honest man and good caring man.I love to fish,rummage sales,flea markets,auctions.I love most types of music and I like to read.I like scary movies,action and true stories in movies,really dont care for any stupid movies.I have played here for along while and plan on playing here for a lot longer.I dont play at any other game sites I just dont care for them ,here I would love to see card games as thats a passion I enjoy to.I believe I am a kind,loving,caring and giving person and honest. I like to attend church.